Why Trump should be Prez! Just ask Clive.

Posted: January 16, 2017 in Ranting
Tags: , ,

I have just had an epiphany.  A light bulb moment, if you will. And in typing that last fragment, it occurred to me – how did people have light bulb moments before there were light bulbs? Did Edison come up with the concept as a gas light moment? Or da Vinci realise he was having a lantern moment when he came up with the idea for the Mona Lisa’s smile? What about our cave-dwelling forebears? “Me. Og. Me have rubbing-two-sticks-together-real-fast moment.”

My epiphany – that Donald Trump would be brilliant for President of the United States of trump-haha America, as Leader of the Free World. Well, not so much for Muslims in the USA, or Mexicans, or immigrants of any flavour, or women, or abortionists, or…just about anything else you can think of. But it could be bloody brilliant for Australia.

Except…

For that to work, we need Clive Palmer as Prime Minister.

Now I know what you’re thinking – how could Clive possibly be PM? I mean, even his party has been de-registered in his home state of Queensland and his corporate empire is collapsing faster than one of Trump’s condoms after Donny has finished greeting an attractive woman.

palmer-hahaRelax, folks. You see, our Clive has a cunning plan. No, make that a Cunning Plan. For the current apparent troubles are merely a facade, intended to lull us all into a false sense of security. For Clive will have carefully studied the important lesson learned from Alan Bond – hide your money overseas somewhere that the Tax Office and the courts can’t find it. Then live life high on the hog after all the dust has settled.

However there is a big difference between Bond and Clivey-boy. For Clive is a public benefactor. He wants to serve the greater Australian public and by serve, I mean being the boss and running things for himself while fooling everyone that he is doing it for us.

Admittedly, the experiment that was PUP has fallen but it was just that – an experiment. Sadly for Clive, he allowed sentiment to get in the way when he selected his first load of candidates. He actually liked Jaqui Lambie, and Glen Lazarus. He positively adored the ventriloquist’s dummy he named Dio Wang and propped up on a seat when the Senate was sitting. But, just like Bondy, Clive is merely letting the dust settle, letting everyone think he is broke when he is just waiting to unleash the spondoolicks he has buried beneath a large rock in the Maldives. And next time it will be Different.

Next time, Clive won’t be taking people that he likes. No. He will be lining up a pack of complete bastards who will pull together for the grand cause of Clive together with a whole consignment of ventriloquist’s dummies ready for the Senate. And the grand plan that fatally stumbled last time, will be realised. And that plan, as Clive has previously outlined (and sadly, this bit isn’t a joke), will see PUP v2.0 win enough seats to divide the rest of the House of Representatives evenly between Labor and Liberal. That will leave our Clivey holding the balance of power. And the price of his support shall be….dah dah dah dahhhhh the Prime Ministership. And thus, Clive the Beneficent shall come to power.

So what does this have to do with Free World Donny? Simple. Donny and Clivey-boy are brothers in spirit. They both know what they are doing and they both hold the rest of us in contempt while wearing baseball caps to pretend that they are really one of we common plebs at heart. But most of all, they have great, grand plans for when they arise to their thrones. And between them they shall usher in an era of prosperity and greatness never seen before by our great nations.

Yes, Donny shall see his wall built. And, yes, bankrupt Mexico shall indeed pay for it. And Donny will make damn sure that it is his companies that are contracted to build the thing. Unemployment – gone! Troublesome immigrants – legal or otherwise – shut out forever! More wealth for Trump – immeasurable! Why just stop at the Mexican border? He will roll that economic stimulus to even greater heights by building a wall around the whole nation. Even better, the public can pay for the rest of it from their new-found economic wealth from wall-related employment by purchasing permits to pass through one of the few gates in order to visit the beach or toss a fishing line off a jetty.

Meanwhile Clivey-boy shall be setting the world alight with Australia’s revitalised shipbuilding industries, launching not just a single rebuilt Titanic but a whole fleet of them. And those Titanicii shall, among other things, run the tours to visit Clivey’s Mesozoic Park while housing all the former Fairfax journalists whom Clivey has vowed to employ in producing Australian’s only truly  independent newspaper.

All such glories are just from the Dreadful Duo operating in isolation. Imagine the greatness that awaits when they combine forces! For one thing, they can realise massive savings to both nations. Clive broke the news years ago that the Greens were being bankrolled by the CIA to ruin the Australian coal industry. But with Clive and Donny on their thrones, the Greens can simply be made disappear by Primesidential Decree. And thus the funds of the CIA can be properly turned against the REAL enemies – those who do not look like us (grey-white haired, aging, overweight males). Hell, if the rest of the world doesn’t like it, Donny and Clivey-boy shall just write themselves whacking big loans and buy all the complaining perishers!

Then there is only one logical leap forward into a greatness to exceed even that of the immortals atop Mount Olympus – the creation of a great new nation: AustUS.  Under the benign dual leadership of our benefactors. And this will be our last territorial demand! Ha ha. Bwa  ha ha ha ha ha!! BWA H–

Unfortunately at this point Ross suffered a serious attack of megalomania from an overdose of Trump-Palmer and he shall be…on holiday for a while. But until his return, don’t be afraid to follow the blog and share the post. If you want to use this post, please ask first.

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