Bling for Scotty

Posted: December 24, 2020 in Ranting
Tags: , , , ,

Donald Trump has just awarded Scott Morrison with the Legion of Merit. But for what?

First of all, just what is the Legion of Merit? It is a military award of the US Armed Forces for ‘exceptional meritorious conduct in performance of outstanding services and achievements.’

So, who is eligible for the Legion of Merit? You are supposed to be in the Uniformed Services of the USA and or a member of allied armed services.

Sorry, but just when was Scotty of Marketing in the Australian armed services, providing outstanding services and achievements in that role? For that matter, can you imagine Scotty in something like the Army?

Picture this…

Major-General Morrison (because nothing less than high rank would suit Scotty) enters a command briefing, pulling behind him a battered looking Prisoner of War. “Look at him. It’s OK, members of the Air Force. He’s not going to hurt you.”

Brigadier Beetrooter fondles the POW, a pleased look on his face making him look even more startled than usual. “Gosh – doesn’t he feel nice.”

“And now,” resumes Major-General Morrison, “I must depart. I promised the wife and kids a nice holiday. “

“But sir – we are at war with all our troops on the front line, outnumbered and outgunned.”

Major-General Morrison glares at the Colonel who was so presumptuous as daring to speak. “Well, I don’t shoot things. That’s their job. And if they did not want to have people shooting at them then they shouldn’t have volunteered! Now Adjutant – where did put my lei?”

Jokes aside, clearly Scotty from Marketing is not even eligible for that award, going by its eligibility criteria. So just what was it actually awarded for?

It could not possibly be for Morrison’s leadership in matters of climate change, as according to Trump that is just a dreadful hoax by the Chinese. It doesn’t exist. The Paris agreement was just a trick to con money out of the US coffers. Why would King Donny Don Don award someone for their outstanding endeavours on something he has been adamant does not exist?

Of course, using Scotty and outstanding in the one sentence regarding climate change is a farce, unless it was outstanding how he managed to make so much noise about doing so little. Perhaps that was the outstanding effort Trump was rewarding? Trump would have probably awarded Tony Abbott multiple Legions of Merit for his attempt to start a world-wide coalition of conservative governments in opposition to climate change actions ie for trying to stop people doing anything about climate change.

What about covid then? Well that too was originally not really a thing at all, just a single Chinese person on a jet plane bound for the US and to be immediately turned back. Then it was naturally going to be gone by July all by itself. And plenty of other nonsense. Perhaps Trump was awarding Scotty for doing all the things Trump should have done but didn’t? But that would mean Trump admitting he was wrong and that is about as likely as Tony Abbott heading up the ACTU.


Trump somehow sees himself as a wartime president for his masterful handling of the covid pandemic. Plus there was also his time at a military school which he says makes him sort of military anyway. Before those dreadful heel spurs magically appeared to make him unable to be drafted for Vietnam, said spurs then apparently never to be seen or heard of again. But it would be much easier to claim to be a wartime president if you were at war with people rather than microbes. Perhaps the Legion of Merit was awarded to Scotty from Marketing for how hard he tried to pick a fight with China?

“Is that Scotty? King Donny here. I wanted to say thank you for that magnificent job you did trying to start the Chinese War. It was a great attempt, a magnificent attempt. People always tell me my picking fights is the best of all picking fights. But you did a great job. Would you like a medal? No, no, I insist. I’ll toss one in the diplomatic bag. By the way Scotty, what’s the deal with your new ambassador? He doesn’t like golf!”

One thing is for sure. If I ever see Scotty from Marketing wearing that bloody medal, I will be hard pressed to keep from vomiting in disgust. What a bloody insult to those who earned such awards for actual defence service.

A thought – can anyone think of any REAL reason why Scotty was given the bling?

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