Posts Tagged ‘Popsicle Award’

Time for another Popsicle Award

Posted: October 22, 2011 in Uncategorized
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It’s that time again folks. It’s time for a Popsicle Award to acknowledge an idiot who only has a Popsicle stick keeping his ears apart.

Paul Moran, a budding alchemist in Northern Ireland, has just landed in gaol. Why? Because of his latest alchemical experiment. In true alchemist fashion, he was attempting to transmute something into gold. But rather than lead, he decided to try transmuting pooh. That’s right, folks, he tried to turn his own crap into gold.

Apparently not blessed with an abundance of the alchemical tools of the trade, he attempted to achieve this transmutation on the heater in his living room.

Not surprisingly, the grand experiment failed, causing £3000 of damage and requiring the attendance of the local fire brigade. Moran has been imprisoned for three months for ‘arson and endangering the lives of others.’

Now this one seems just too ridiculous to be true so here’s the link to the Belfast Telegraph so you can read it for yourselves.

Congratulations, Paul Moran, on being awarded this latest Popsicle Award for only having a Popsicle stick keeping your ears apart.

I think I shall have to give up on my fledgling stand up comedy career. How the hell can I compete with real stuff like that?!

A Popsicle Award

Posted: October 1, 2011 in Uncategorized
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It has been quite a while since I awarded anyone one of my Popsicle Awards, to commemorate someone who only has a Popsicle stick keeping their ears apart.

I have just discovered a new angle on the infamous Nigerian scam that regularly infests our spam email. This one is telling me that I have been awarded a huge pile of money by both the Nigeria [sic] government and the World Bank to compensate me for past Nigerian scam activities! I have already been sent $10,000 as the first instalment and I have a total of $250,000 waiting for me. Or so they say.

It beggars belief that these sorts of things are still coming out.

On this occasion, I am awarding a dual Popsicle Award:

  • to the spammers for thinking I am that stupid to fall for that crap
  • to the idiots out there are who are stupid enough and greedy enough to fall for that shit.

Clearly there are still far too many people out there with only a Popsicle stick keeping their ears apart.

A Popsicle Award

Posted: April 7, 2010 in Uncategorized
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This would have to be one of my favourites so far.

Two women have been caught trying to sneak a dead man onto a plane flight in England, heading to Germany. The 91yo was definitely deceased so they just tried to hide the fact by sticking a pair of shades on him and pushing him along in a wheel chair. They then tried to claim that he was asleep.

I keep getting mental images of the women saying things like:
“Don’t worry about granddad – he’s asleep. Truly ruly. No, it only looks like he isn’t breathing. Look – he just waved at you. What, you didn’t see that? Huh? No, granddad always smells like that.”

Forget the Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch, now we have the Dead Grandpa in a Wheelchair sketch.

So for only have a Popsicle Stick keeping their ears apart, I hereby bestow the Noble Order of the Popstick Award on this pair of dimwit shelias.

Another Popsicle Award

Posted: March 15, 2010 in Uncategorized
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It has been a while since I awarded one of these.

Earlier today, I watched an absolute lunatic, joyriding in a nearby car park. He was throwing his vehicle around in all manner of wild skids, at one point sliding off to bump around in the vegetation at the road’s verge. The carpark was jam-packed full. This idiot was using it as a high-speed obstacle course.

I could not believe what I was seeing.

This was late morning. The office block beside said car park had a quite clear view of it all. Being a government building subject to security restrictions, there will be sure to be security cameras all around the place. Neighbouring places such as my residence had a clear view of the idiot’s antics. As did the secondary school next door.

I wonder just how many calls the police received about it, apart from mine?

So I hereby bestow a Popsicle Award on this anonymous effwit for only having a Popsicle stick keeping his ears apart!

Popsciple Awards time

Posted: October 7, 2009 in Uncategorized
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I have decided on a special awarding of a Popsicle Award.

A few hours ago, leader of the Australian Opposition, Malcom Turnball, stated that he has the full support of his parliamentary colleagues.

Hmmmm let us examine that statement for a moment.

Ironbar‘ Wilson Tuckey has lead the WA branch of the Liberal Party in railing against the leadership ever since John Howard was dumped by the electorate and has been quite vocal against Chief Turning Bull.

Bluggerguts Joe Hockey has been blatantly ambitious in his climb through the political ranks. Despite his public protestations of support for John Howard just a couple months out from the last Federal election, he was very quick to join the ranks of those jumping on the ‘I told John Howard to quit’ bandwagon with almost indecent haste. Of late he has been uncharacteristically quiet, just as Chief Turning Bull went very quiet while he was orchestrating the political assassination of his predecessor. So it comes as no surprise that Hockey now announces that he has been sounded out about contesting the leadership. Lots of support there, isn’t there Malcolm.

The Mad Monk, Tony Abbott has made no secret of his aspirations to the top job and in recent months has been taking obvious steps to rebuild himself into something softer than the nasty, verbal-headkicker we all know him to be. And in the wake of John Howard’s demise, Abbott stated his intention to stand for the leadership, although that only lasted for about twenty-four hours. I couldn’t see many bookies giving long odds against Abbott not making his own push behind the scenes.

And now an unnamed member of Turnball’s party room has allegedly stated that Turnball ‘will not go the distance”.

So I make a special presentation of my Popsicle Award to Malcom Turnball for being stupid enough to try and pretend that all is well. If he actually believes his own words then he doesn’t even have so much as the Popsicle stick keeping his ears apart.

Another Popsicle Award!

Posted: September 21, 2009 in Uncategorized
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As dear old Victor Meldrew would have said, “I don’t believe it.” [Apologies to my US friends – Victor Meldrew was an English comedy character and that was his catchcry.]

A burglar in the US, during a housebreaking, decided to log into the household’s computer and check his Facebook page. What the???

When the householder came back home to discover the burglary, she discovered not only had someone been there but that they had logged on to her computer. And the burglar had failed to erase their Internet traces. So it was an easy task for police to check the Facebook page and trace said burglar.

What a bloody idiot. So congratulations to one of the stupidest burglars I have ever heard of, for being the latest recipient of my Popsicle Award for only having a popsicle stick keeping their ears apart.

Another Popsicle Award

Posted: May 7, 2009 in Uncategorized
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Damir Dokic strikes again. Phew – what a loony. And isn’t it interesting that it is always someone else at fault. When he was banned by Wimbledon for threatening a vendor over the price of salmon, it was Wimbledon who were at fault. And now it is Australia’s fault that his daughter, tennis player Jelena Dokic, has claimed that her father physically abused her. So to this fruit basket, the obvious response was to call the Australian embassy in Belgrade and threaten to turn a ‘bazooka’ onto an embassy vehicle. But then when, naturally, police were called in to check the idiot out, they found homemade bombs and an a significant array of firearms at his place.

Now if you’re going to dumb something incredibly dumb like threaten an embassy, it doesn’t take a lot of brains to realise that the police will be calling around pretty soon afterwards, so why keep a supply of stuff on hand like that?

So congratulations Damir, you eff-wit – you’re the next winner of my Popsicle Award for only having a Popsicle stick keeping your ears apart.

Popsicle Award for a postie

Posted: September 10, 2008 in Uncategorized
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The postal services around the world seem collect some strange types. For example, a small post office in my home town had a postie who was actually illiterate – truly! But this latest news out of Germany takes the cake.

According to http://www.news.com.au, a young Scotsman was employed by the postal authorities in Frankfurt, Germany, as a postie. This bright spark decided that he was too busy to actually deliver his allocated mail, so for a year he threw out and hoarded at least 20,000 letters. A neighbour spotted him tossing a heap of it out into the rubbish and dobbed him in. When police arrived to check things out, apparently they found mail hidden away in a wardrobe, under his mattress and in other places inside his flat. The postie then took the police down to the building’s storage cellar where he had hidden away even more.

When police checked things out, they even found mail addressed to this bloke in among the hoarded stuff.

His excuse? Because he was attending night school to earn his secondary school diploma, allegedly found it too overwhelming to carry the mail as well.

This bright spark wins the latest awarding of my Popsicle Stick Award for only having a popsicle stick keeping his ears apart.

Posted: September 1, 2008 in Uncategorized
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Another hurricane is about to hit New Orleans. President George Dubbleya has cancelled his appearance at the Republican convention (no doubt to the relief of many in the Republican party). A White House spokesman has announced that Georgie Dubbleya cancelled the appearance in order to ensure that his entire attention is focused on the New Orleans situation.

What a relief that must be to the citizens of New Orleans and thereabouts. But does this mean that Georgie Dubbleya’s attention was somewhere else during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina? That would at least explain why US authorities were so incredibly slow to send in relief. Yet they refused help from other agencies that volunteered assistance on the ground there. Of course, just how much good is Georgie Dubbleya’s ‘entire attention’ going to be. Like, is the attention of a mentally deranged amoeba really worth that much to anyone?

Georgie Dubbleya would be receiving my Popsicle Award for having a Popsicle stick keeping his ears apart, except I doubt he has even that much in there and is in danger of imminent cranial collapse.

and the winner is…

Posted: August 26, 2008 in Uncategorized
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Police are searching for two men who allegedly did a runner on a cab fare.

The cab driver drove them all the way from Canberra to Wagga Wagga, running up over $400 on the meter. On arriving, driver allowed the pair to go off and get the money to pay for the fare. Not surprisingly, he didn’t see them again.

What sort of goose agrees to a fare of that size without asking to see the money upfront? So my Popsicle Award goes to this cab driver who clearly only has a popsicle stick keeping the sides of his head from collapsing inwards.